A person with a Narcissistic pervert profile Is one that thinks only of its own good and feels powerful handling indirectly its victims. Apparently he has no feelings or empathy , So you can not love other people or maintain healthy relationships.
These individuals are unable to withstand failures, so they manipulate the people around them to achieve all their goals selfishly. When their desires are not fulfilled, they do Feel guilty And sadness to its victims, although these have nothing to do.
A perverse narcissist chooses victims with whom he maintains some family, professional or couple bond; Since it needs this proximity to be influential. It is not able to exert any effect in public, therefore it always acts in private. It prevents these people from moving away from it through various strategies in which they lie, pretend, seduce and blame others for their own mistakes.
These types of people can do a lot of damage, as they are often jealous, unfaithful, continually criticizing, and feel strong despising their victims. When they are sad or frustrated, they try to"spread"their discomfort to the victims.
What really hides a perverse narcissist is a negative view of self and a low self-esteem that tries to increase at the expense of others. Thus, in order to feel better, it subjects, expresses and degrades its victims.
But, you wonder why the victims are allowed to manipulate that way? Quite simply, a perverse narcissist does not always make others feel bad. Rather, at the beginning of the relationship are excellent actors: they are charming, seductive and flattering.
Once they have conquered their victim, little by little they happen to handle it like a puppet. Then they will alternate the humiliation and flattery so that the victim never goes away.
Narcissistic Perversum
The term"perverse narcissist"was coined by the French psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Paul-Claude Racamier in 1986. This author said that it was an organized way of defending oneself from pain and internal contradiction by expelling them over another and overestimating themselves at the expense of others. This is not only accompanied by the absence of remorse, but also with enjoyment. It is a way of taking refuge from internal conflicts (Racamier, 1992).
Other authors have used this concept, although it is not very widespread, and frame it in the mental manipulation pathological in which the aggressor tries to impersonate the victim.
According to Houdoy, the perverse narcissist would be like a Psychotic But without symptoms, who seek their balance by unloading on others the pain they are not allowed to experience and the internal contradictions they refuse to assume. They feel valuable by transferring pain to others.
In fact, they do not harm conscientiously, but because they do not know how to relate in any other way. These individuals suffered some traumatic event in their infancy and it is their way of protecting their Weak self-esteem .
This disorder is named for its two components, narcissism and perversion.
He Narcissistic disorder Encompasses the lack of empathy, the excessive need to be recognized and admired, envy to others and the exaggeration of their attributes.
While perversion has a connotation of cruelty and lack of moral judgment. These individuals satisfy their needs and desires at the expense of others. He uses people as tools to achieve their goals, ignoring their needs or feelings.
Alberto Eiguer adds to the concept that"they try in some way to make the other believe that the bond of dependence is irreplaceable, and that is the one who asks for it."
Causes of narcissistic perversion
The perverse narcissists have not developed as individuals. As children they have suffered some kind of dysfunction in their relationships with others, feeling that they are not valuable enough. These have a great emptiness and dissatisfaction that instead of facing them (which would be their cure), appropriates the virtues of others.
Thus, they intensely desire other people who seem to possess what they do not have or are simply satisfied with their life. Once they conquer these people and achieve the goals they want (such as accessing a social or intellectual group to which they want to belong), they begin to undermine their self-esteem little by little to sink them.
Then, it is as if the qualities were taken from their victims, filling them with doubts and sadness, in an attempt to fill their void.
How does a perverse narcissist act?
Perhaps you have ever had a perverse narcissist in your life and you have not even noticed it. Surely you perceive that link as complicated, toxic And difficult to break. At your side you feel vulnerable, useless and low-spirited, but at the same time you find it hard to say goodbye.
The signs that distinguish a perverse narcissist are multiple and varied. It all begins when the narcissist knows the future victim and compares with it. He devalues himself and envy the victim, and tries to compensate him with narcissism. At the same time he will try to sink the victim so that he loses the virtues that characterize her.
If the victim submits, it will create a bond of abuse on the part of the pervert in which the victim will endure all kinds of harassment. Instead, if he reacts to the attacks, the perverse narcissist will pretend to be the victim and make the other feel guilty of the aggression.
How to identify a perverse narcissist? 13 signals to detect it
In this section you will be able to know the typical behaviors of these individuals and thus detect them before becoming one of its victims.
1- Appears to be kind and charming
At first, or when little is known, it is usually charming. Little by little he shows signs of superiority, talking about his qualities. At the same time he will disqualify other people, ignore them and reject them as if they do not deserve his respect. They also often announce that they are attractive and interesting to everyone (although not true).
2- Use perverse seduction
Seduction is a fundamental strategy in perverse narcissists. However, they do not flirt with the goal of establishing intimacy or because they are attracted to the other person. On the contrary, it tries to fascinate and dazzle the other, but not to be conquered.
These individuals typically spend a lot of time talking about themselves and their achievements when they flirt, but without showing real interest in the other person.
3- They are excellent actors
And they lack moral principles. For them to do the right thing is to selfishly satisfy their needs.
4- They lie continuously
They are My hands , That is, they have no problem resorting to elaborate lies so as to always be right. They omit important data, magnify others, and shape reality by adapting it to their desires. Lying is a means of being able to ignore that which goes against your narcissistic interests.
Thus, even if there is contrary evidence, they will turn the situation around and come out in some way. This confuses the victim greatly and may begin to believe that his abuser is right and it is he or she who is wrong. In the end, he will be unable to differentiate the truth from the lie.
5- They are chameleons
That is, they adapt their way of being and their tastes depending on who they want to astound. At bottom, neither do they themselves have a definite identity, but they are empty.
6- Is dependent
A perverse narcissist has no power if he has no victims to express. Actually, it is absolutely Dependent on others . However, he tries to make the victim believe that the person suffering from the dependency is the latter, whereas he does not need it.
7- Paradoxical and ambiguous communication
They often use a contradictory, paradoxical and very ambiguous discourse. They frequently use double meanings and insinuations, which baffles the victim. Often they take certain things for granted or wait for others to do it:"you should know already..."When they have not even expressed their needs clearly.
8- Demand the impossible
When he is vulnerable or looking for someone to take care of him, he manages to be impossible to satisfy. He asks for so much attention that the victim is not able to please him (or asks for them at times when he can not give them). Then the wicked man takes advantage to make it understand to his victim the useless and incapable that is.
9- Does the role of victim
Try to give the image of victim, having a strong talent to cover their flaws and blame others. They can reverse situations and manage to be always right. It is useless to try to reason with them because they will always find a way to hurt you or be right.
10- Love the disputes
They like the controversy, the"shocks". They have fun creating discussions and fighting mainly between the victim and other people.
Sometimes he tries to provoke his victim to act against him so that he can justify his humiliations and subsequent attacks.
11- They seek the destruction of their victim
They feel great pleasure in seeing suffering and doubting others, especially if he has caused such suffering. They love to see that others submit to him, obey him and give him reason.
12- Have emotional problems
These people lack emotional depth and, therefore, lack of empathy. They can not distinguish their own emotions, not to say that they are incapable of feeling true sadness, mourning, desire or joy. If they feel abandoned or defrauded, they appear to be depressed. However, deep down it is only anger, resentment and desire for revenge.
13- They have a strong power of conviction
Since they are very intelligent and know how to play with the deepest emotions of others to get what they want. The victim may surprise herself by doing things she never thought she would do or that would go against her interests in order to please her abuser.
The preferred victims of the perverse narcissists
"After everything she had told me, I ended up believing that maybe she was right: I could be crazy and hysterical. One day, with a glacial tone and a look of hatred, he told me, as he had often done, that I was a nullity, an incapable, useless to society, and that it would be better for me to commit suicide. By chance, a neighbor was nearby; He had not seen her. She felt terrified and advised me to report it. For me, it was a relief. Someone had understood what was happening."
This is what a victim of a perverse narcissist claimed in the book"The moral harassment"of Marie-France Hirigoyen.
The preferred victims of this type of people are those who have positive qualities that the envy stalker: energy, creativity , Joy, extroversion... His goal is to overthrow these virtues and transform him into a submissive and sad individual.
In addition, these are usually affable, generous, give the best of themselves, likes to please others, and express their successes. No wonder they look for excuses and justify their aggressor, admitting too easily criticism.
However, anyone can be victims in times of weakness or when they have strong emotional ties to the wicked. Thus, these people can be"blind"and not see reality, feeling increasingly sunken and useless.
How to deal with the perverse narcissists
Once the perverse narcissist is identified, the main objective is that his attacks do not take effect. Above all, you will feel disarmed if you are unable to provoke conflict between your victim and others.
As mentioned, a perverse narcissist is not dangerous if others ignore him because he has no power without victims. Some tricks to face being people are:
- Controlling emotions And always be alert. Do not fall into your flattery or your traps to get your attention, be aware that your attention gives you power. Nor do you ever believe that you deserve your criticism, assume that it is only a strategy to create and destroy you.
- Cut all kinds of ties. Stay away from them as much as possible, however complicated it may seem at first, to be most beneficial. Try not to fall back on any of your attempts to reconnect with you, since if you do not see you steady you will feed your narcissistic desires.
- One form of protection is Avoid announcing your own successes Before the perverse narcissist, since he will try to devalue them.
- Throw few reviews To these, only the precise and indispensable. In fact, it is best to avoid at all costs discussing with them, as they will remove all their strategies and lies to always carry reason and hurt you.
- Do not react to your provocations , Ignore them. It is important to note that they have no effect on you. For the perverse narcissist it is a pleasure to see him hesitate, as this would reinforce his strategies and continue to behave the same.
- Rebuild links With those people who have really shown you that they appreciate you. Seek to surround yourself with positive people, who rejoice in your achievements and in whom you can trust.
- Let these loved ones know the facts. You may be aware of an abuser-victim relationship that you have not yet seen clearly, or that helps you clarify your feelings.
- In extreme cases, Resort to the legal field . If you feel that you are suffering serious damage, do not wait to seek protection in justice.
References
- Bouchoux, J.C. (2016). The perverse narcissists. Harp editors.
- Hirigoyen, M.F. (1999). The moral harassment: the psychological abuse in the daily life. Paidós: Barcelona.
- Houdoy, H. (s.f.). Le pervers narcissique. Le discours paradoxal. Recovered on December 12, 2016, from Harassment.
- Narcissistic Perverso - Definition and process. (December 2016). Obtained from Health CCM.
- Racamier, P.C. (2014). On narcissistic perversion. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 95 (1), 119-132.
- The narcissistic pervert: recognize and discard. (S.f.). Recovered on December 12, 2016, from Pikifashion.